|
| At the point of tears, once again. I dont know.
I hate thinking about him leaving. It makes me so sad.
| | |
| I feel so brushed off...again.
I can't keep pretending like my feelings for Tyler aren't there.
I freaking adore the kid so much.
I can't even come close to competing with the past.
I switched shifts with someone just so I could go to his game.
Blech.
After about an hour of talking, and TONS of crying. I've decided to post this, too.
LeapYear is Fake: Hey, can I talk to you?
OlSeNfAn 2005: well of course you can
OlSeNfAn 2005: wuts up
LeapYear is Fake: I feel like I've been brushed aside, but I'm not sure that I have the right to feel that way.
OlSeNfAn 2005: ok im lost
OlSeNfAn 2005: brushed aside by who?
OlSeNfAn 2005: for wut?
LeapYear is Fake: Tyler
OlSeNfAn 2005: why dont u think u have the right to feel that way
LeapYear is Fake: Cause it's not like we're dating.
LeapYear is Fake: I went to his last softball game, today.
LeapYear is Fake: I mean, I understand having other plans...but I was right there! And it felt like he ignored me.
OlSeNfAn 2005: he knew u were there right?
LeapYear is Fake: Haha yes.. I went up to him after the game, and said Hi.
LeapYear is Fake: and then when his friends came up to him.. POOF! I was gone ?
LeapYear is Fake: (he saw me during the game, too, and smiled and waved.)
OlSeNfAn 2005: wut freinds came up to him?
LeapYear is Fake: His friends Scott and Greg, that are on the team, too.
OlSeNfAn 2005: ooo
OlSeNfAn 2005: so basically u feel like u made an effort to go to his last game and he didnt even care
LeapYear is Fake: It certainly feels that way.
LeapYear is Fake: I mean..
OlSeNfAn 2005: does he kno that you like him?
LeapYear is Fake: Of course.
LeapYear is Fake: I even switched with someone at work, just so I could go to the game.
OlSeNfAn 2005: u say he does kno that u like him?
LeapYear is Fake: Yeah...he does.
OlSeNfAn 2005: how did he find out?
LeapYear is Fake: I told him.
OlSeNfAn 2005: wut did he say when u told him and when did u tell him
LeapYear is Fake: I told him....geesh, about a month ago
LeapYear is Fake: And he said that he really cares about me..
LeapYear is Fake: But he doesn't want to start something before college.
OlSeNfAn 2005: has he acted n e differently since u told him
LeapYear is Fake: No
OlSeNfAn 2005: hmmm
OlSeNfAn 2005: well is this the first time uve felt brushed off by him
LeapYear is Fake: no.
LeapYear is Fake: second.
OlSeNfAn 2005: when was the first?
LeapYear is Fake: a couple weeks ago. We were hanging out with
Lynz...and we went to Lynzs house to watch a movie (her mom wouldnt let
her stay here?? ) and when we got there, Tyler went and talked to Andy,
cause hes friends with him too, and they ended up leaving.
OlSeNfAn 2005: hmmm
LeapYear is Fake: It's only been around his friends.
OlSeNfAn 2005: so basically hes just fine when hes with just u and not his freinds
LeapYear is Fake: of course.
LeapYear is Fake: he tells me that he loves hanging out with me
OlSeNfAn 2005: where is he going to college at
OlSeNfAn 2005: how often do u guys spend time together
LeapYear is Fake: Mount Vernon.
LeapYear is Fake: Probably on average twice a week.
OlSeNfAn 2005: wheres mount vernon
LeapYear is Fake: down by columbus. by Allison. :-\
OlSeNfAn 2005: well dont worry allison isnt good for him and i think he
knows that but heres wut im thinking . . . do u want the sugar coat or
the real deal?
LeapYear is Fake: Why would I want the sugar coat?
LeapYear is Fake: give me the real deal, then the sugar coat so I feel better. 
OlSeNfAn 2005: haha ok . . . it sounds to me like he has feelings for
you and he enjoys the time that he spends with you when ur alone . . .
BUT he doesnt want to get extremely attached because he's going to be
leaving soon
OlSeNfAn 2005: now on the other hand that means that he does like you
he just is basically scared of any type of commitment so when its
getting to be a lil too much he kinda brushes you off
LeapYear is Fake: Do you blame him, though?
LeapYear is Fake: After Allison AND Bonnie?
OlSeNfAn 2005: nope not one bit
OlSeNfAn 2005: if i hadnt had such great luck finding the person of my dreams on my first date then i would be hurting too
LeapYear is Fake: Haha, your words made me want to cry.
LeapYear is Fake:
OlSeNfAn 2005: lol whys that?
LeapYear is Fake: I dont know. Because I guess I realized how much I
care about him...and it bothers me to know that he's hurting...cause I
totally agree with you that he's still...grieving (right word?)
OlSeNfAn 2005: oh yea thats most definately the best word im reminded
of the saying they dont call it a crush becuz it feels good
OlSeNfAn 2005: i kno he's hurt and he's hurt bad
LeapYear is Fake: I know that he is, too.
OlSeNfAn 2005: and if he hasnt started yet he's going to be getting a huge horomone rush which wont help n e thing
LeapYear is Fake: haha what the heck?
OlSeNfAn 2005: the problem is that he sees himself starting to fall for
you but he's too scared of being hurt agian and he just doesnt wanna
take the risk
OlSeNfAn 2005: around this age guys start a rush of horomones that makes them become more and more attached to the opposite sex
LeapYear is Fake: haha
LeapYear is Fake: And something else he said, we have too great of a
friendship...and he doesnt want to lose that. And i know for a fact
that's reflecting on what happened with A&B.
OlSeNfAn 2005: oh yea right now he's prolly getting pretty emmotional
about leaving home and all he really wants is a good and true freind
that he knows isnt going to hurt him someone that he can count on and
trust ya kno?
OlSeNfAn 2005: and so for now thats just gotta be your job
LeapYear is Fake: I know, Matt...it's just hard sometimes.
LeapYear is Fake: I've never said a word to him, after we had that talk.
OlSeNfAn 2005: its hard all the time but u kno wut nicole
OlSeNfAn 2005: i cant tell u whether he's the one or not but when u
find the one u'll kno it things will just fall right into place God
will just open the doors and give you a lil push
OlSeNfAn 2005: and when u do find him u'll look back at all the ppl u
used to like and say wut did i ever see in them . . . or i hope this
makes the jealous 
LeapYear is Fake: haha
LeapYear is Fake: yeah..
LeapYear is Fake: And he's my best friend. (haha, I'm crying) I'm going to miss him so much.
OlSeNfAn 2005: thats why u gotta cherish the moments you have with him not befor he leaves
LeapYear is Fake: haha I know.
LeapYear is Fake: It's like...I am going on vacay next week, then band camp starts...and then school. I'm going to be so busy.
LeapYear is Fake: You know what I mean?
OlSeNfAn 2005: oh i definately know wut u mean but i also wanna say
this dont let some silly high school drama ruin your senior year becuz
ur senior year is going to be AWESOME u just gotta remember to chill
out haha
LeapYear is Fake: Haha
LeapYear is Fake: Haha it's not some silly drama.
LeapYear is Fake: I just feel like time is going too fast
LeapYear is Fake: and I'm going to have to say goodbye
LeapYear is Fake: before I'm ready to.
OlSeNfAn 2005: im not talking about u and tyler im talking about all the crap thats going to arise during bandcamp
LeapYear is Fake: Ooh.
LeapYear is Fake: My mom and I talked about Tyler and I today..
LeapYear is Fake: and she was like "Why do you like him?"
OlSeNfAn 2005: did u have an answer?
LeapYear is Fake: Yeah..
LeapYear is Fake: I said "Mom. When I was asked to go to a guy I used
to likes appartment, I thought of Tyler and I didn't go. I knew I could
never look at him honestly again. He tells me that I'm beautiful. He's
the sweetest guy...and underneath all his goofiness, he has this
humongous heart. He has good morals. He doesn't drink/smoke/have sex.
We can sit in the car and sing rock songs together and be happy enough
just to go to the park and walk around. I don't have to be anything I'm
not when I'm around him. He's the best friend that I've had in a long
time."
OlSeNfAn 2005: AWW
LeapYear is Fake: what is that for?
OlSeNfAn 2005: i just think its cute
LeapYear is Fake: haha.
OlSeNfAn 2005: but i donno
OlSeNfAn 2005: i cant tell u why i like kort i have no idea wut it is
and some days she drives me NUTZ but i just cant help but smile and
sometimes . . . sometimes i think thats wut love is when you cant use
words to describe it when there is no answer to the ? why when there is
no logical reason for any of it other than it just seems right it just
fits
LeapYear is Fake: haha
LeapYear is Fake: He drives me nuts, sometimes, too. A little over the top, sometimes.
OlSeNfAn 2005: lol do u get wut im saying tho?
LeapYear is Fake: Yeah.
LeapYear is Fake: I love those things about him.
OlSeNfAn 2005: haha he's a fun and crazy dude
OlSeNfAn 2005: but . . . im afraid that he's gonna hurt u
LeapYear is Fake: Why? I dont think anything will ever happen for him TO hurt me.
OlSeNfAn 2005: well i donno i can see u falling faster and faster for
him and him falling for u but making himself move on and then leaving
you flat on ur face with the line . . i just wanna be good freinds
LeapYear is Fake: That's what Lee did to me. And I don't think I'm still fully past that.
OlSeNfAn 2005: and im sorry and i hate to say this but i can c it happening to u again
OlSeNfAn 2005: u kno wut i mean?
OlSeNfAn 2005: let me put it this way . . .
OlSeNfAn 2005: when i like emily zamora and i knew she knew about it
every freindly jesture that she made towards me i saw as flirting or
that it was a sign she liked me when really she was just being nice and
then when it finally hit it me it hurt SOOOO bad
OlSeNfAn 2005: and i would really hate for you to have to go through the same thing
LeapYear is Fake: Matt... I've learned the hard way that that stuff happens.
LeapYear is Fake: I don't let myself think that way.
LeapYear is Fake: cause that's exactly what happened with Lee.
OlSeNfAn 2005: it kills im still not really over it
OlSeNfAn 2005: SHHH dont tell kort
LeapYear is Fake: I wont.
LeapYear is Fake: And the thing that kills me even more
LeapYear is Fake: just recently, Lee said
LeapYear is Fake: "Nicole, I love you to death. And I really would date you, I just don't want to hurt you"
OlSeNfAn 2005: . . . ouch
LeapYear is Fake: Why do guys do that?
LeapYear is Fake: He keeps that wound open.
LeapYear is Fake: I can't let it heal.
OlSeNfAn 2005: well sometimes i cant explain it fully becuz ive got more estrogen than most guys
OlSeNfAn 2005: but guys never really want to close the door like if
they kno someone likes them they wanna flirt a lil and keep it going so
they have like a catch plan and so they say things like that hoping
that the girl will continue to like them
OlSeNfAn 2005: thats the only thing i can think
LeapYear is Fake: Guys like that are jerks.
OlSeNfAn 2005: most guys are jerks
OlSeNfAn 2005: in fact most guys are pretty scummy too
LeapYear is Fake: hahaha
LeapYear is Fake: And when you meet a guy that doesn't..
LeapYear is Fake: its like a precious gem.
OlSeNfAn 2005: he's gay
LeapYear is Fake: Haha!
OlSeNfAn 2005: or that too haha
LeapYear is Fake: No, I've tried not to think that there's more to this
smile, or that laugh or that sentence...cause I know what that leads to.
OlSeNfAn 2005: yea
OlSeNfAn 2005: i tell u wut ive been through some nasty heck with girls i really have
OlSeNfAn 2005: the dating game is ruthless and no fun and unfortuneatly theres no strategy
LeapYear is Fake: No, there's not.
LeapYear is Fake: Except be yourself.
LeapYear is Fake: And then at least you know when you find someone
LeapYear is Fake: that they love you for you.
OlSeNfAn 2005: u got it and when u least expect it it'll hit u like a pound of bricks
So, I guess that's that. Even the real deal wasn't that bad.
LeapYear is Fake: Heh, you should have seen christie at the fireworks.
OlSeNfAn 2005: why?
LeapYear is Fake: This was a little after my revelation a la
Tyler...and she knew that I liked him...she had her leg around him, and
was all like "I smoke dead flowers" and stuff. It ticked me off to no
end.
OlSeNfAn 2005: she wants wut she cant have
OlSeNfAn 2005: she always used to bug me slapping my butt and junk like that
LeapYear is Fake: really?
OlSeNfAn 2005: oh yea it drove me NUTZ
| | |
|
